If you give a mom a Saturday…
If you give a mom a Saturday,
She will make coffee, turn on cartoons for the kids, and check her email and facebook, briefly enjoying the idea of staying in pj’s all day with no place to go.
She will then remember that she has to taxi her second oldest daughter to a soccer game that afternoon.

That will remind her that there are clothes in the washing machine that have been re-washed twice and need to be washed again so her daughter’s soccer clothes will be ready for the game.
On her way to the laundry room, she will see the empty happy meal box on the sofa table next to a pile of clean, folded clothes and notice a splatter of ketchup on the wall.
She will then grab a bottle of homemade all-purpose cleaner and spray the ketchup spot and then the entire area around it which is also covered with various food substances.
Because she is squatting near the floor, a certain smell will overwhelm her senses and she will go to the pantry to get a clean diaper for her toddler.
While chasing the laughing toddler, she will notice the backpacks and coats still perched on the floor next to the front door where they were discarded after school on Friday.
After hanging up all the backpacks and coats, she will notice how dirty the floor is. This will make her want to clean it, but then the laughing toddler will buzz by again and she will head off to catch that smelly diaper.
When she throws the diaper away in the garage, she will notice the drill and remember a project she had wanted to complete soon.
She will use the drill to recover one dining room chair with new fabric when she will remember that she hasn’t fed the kids anything in hours.
She will warm up one hot dog, one can of Chef Boyardee, and one pb&j sandwich along with cutting up many strawberries.
The peanut butter will remind her of a recipe she had wanted to try. It called for plain chex but she only had chex mix but she will decide to try it anyway.
It will be a disgusting failure which she will decide to keep next to the computer to munch on herself because it will satisfy the salty/sweet craving with one snack.
Being in the kitchen will remind her of the overwhelming piles of dishes that are growing precariously tall and dangerous for small children and animals.
She will begin to clean these dishes when she notices the clock and realizes she has 40 minutes until the soccer game will begin.
At the soccer game she will wonder if she remembered to put on her homemade deodorant and decides to stay away from the other spectators.
This will create space for her accompanying toddler and encourage him to run…along the sidelines, onto the field…
The chasing will make her feel winded and remind her that she needs to find a time in her day for exercising.
This exhaustion will encourage her to get McDonald’s on the way home from the soccer game.
Once home, the McDonald’s happy meal box will remind her that she forgot to finish cleaning up the ketchup splatter on the wall from earlier in the day.
While she is on the floor cleaning the splatter, a certain smell will once again catch her attention and she will go to the pantry to get another clean diaper.
While she is changing the diaper, she will think of a hilarious blog post that everyone would enjoy.
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She will change back into her pj’s, turn on Wipeout for the kids, reheat her cup of coffee, and check her email and facebook… forgetting the hilarious blog post, but thankful to have survived another Saturday.








Absolutely brilliant
Glad you have such a vivid imagination since no real Saturday
could ever be like this.
Thank you for reminding me that my life is normal
Love you and your blog!
Becky, the late, great Erma Bombeck is one of my favorite writers, and she has nothing on you! I have spent the morning reading your blog–laughing and crying– it is ‘poignant’, hilarious, moving, and just plain outstanding. I hope many people can read these posts (do we know a publisher?), as it will help many laugh/empathize/recharge the spirit.
Spinney! Stop! E.B. is one of my all-time faves, too, but do not put me in a category with her – that’s crazy! Thanks for the love and kind words…I do appreciate it. I’m not good at receiving it, though – I think I’d rather you make me run sprints which I’m pretty sure I can no longer do.
Miss ya.